The Final of Finals

When I lived in southern Cal I used to listen to KPFK radio on Sunday nights. They had a show called Hour 25, hosted by Mike Hodel and Mitchell Harding, that usually included some pretty interesting things. I was in the habit of recording these programs and I wish I had kept them but, alas, they have been lost along with a great many treasures of mine over time.
One thing that I heard on that show was a short piece that one of the hosts read called "The Final of Finals." I really thought it was inventive and I transposed it and stowed it away somewhere. I just fond it the other day and I did a search to see if anyone else knew what it was. Apparently many people are aware of it, But I also noticed that ever one of them have a bit more tacked onto the end of it than I had heard originally. So, in the interest of accurate history, I give you the original "Final of Finals":

The Final of Finals

1.) Medicine

You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

2.) Public Speaking

Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

3.) Biology

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had devoloped five hundred million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary system.
Approve your thesis.

4.) Music

Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum.
You'll find a piano under your seat.

5.) Psychology

Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following:

• Alexander of Aphrodisias
• Ramses II
• Gregory of Nicaea
• Hammurabi.
  

Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

6.) Political Science

There is a red phone on the desk beside you. Start world war III. Report on the social-political effects, if any.

7.) Sociology

Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the end of the world.

8.) Engineering

The disassembled pieces of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

9.) Economics

Develop a realistic plan for re-financing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas:

• Cubism
• The Donatist Controversy
• The Wave Theory of Light.

Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this theory from all possible point of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

10.) Epistomology

Take a position for or against Truth.
Prove the validity of your stand.

11.) Physics

Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of mathematics on science.

12.) Philosophy

Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

13.) General Knowledge

Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
You have four hours.

Marcus Tee